NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

The Baudelaires need a safe place to stay—somewhere far away from terrible villains and local police. A quiet refuge where misfortune never visits. Might Heimlich Hospital be just the place?

In Lemony Snicket's eighth ghastly installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, I'm sorry to say that the Baudelaire orphans will spend time in a hospital where they risk encountering a misleading newspaper headline, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire.

Dear Listener,

This audio is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful audios in the world.

There are many pleasant things to listen to, but this audio contains not one of them. Within it are such gruesome details as a suspicious shopkeeper, unnecessary surgery, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Clearly you do not want to hear about such things.

I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:

A perplexing word game • Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives • Art from The Brett Helquist gallery

I have sworn to research and record this story as best I can, so I should know that this audio is something best left on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it.

With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket