"If I can save one woman from these thighs, I will not have lived in vain," #1 New York Times bestselling humorist Jill Conner Browne writes in American Thighs, her handbook and memoir for the Hot and Flashy. Whether young enough to look "hot" or of the age to only feel that way (in flashes with buckets of sweat), every woman has given, or will give, ample thought to preserving her best "assets" (thighs included), so that the dread transition from "cute girl" to "ma'am" won't be quite so unsettling.

Here are stories of growing up and learning about life -- usually the hard way! From disastrous haircuts and color jobs to fashion or verbal faux pas committed, from the kiss wished for but never gotten to the one that should have been skipped, these are the moments that mark each of our journeys from what we thought back then to what we now know. Since to say that Youth is wasted on the Young has got to be the understatement of all time, it falls upon Browne, as one older and wiser, to take a "Hit and Run" down Memory Lane for the sake of offering "Asset-Preserving Tips," with astonishing disclosures about:

Why women have risked their lives just to get a little bit blonder

How the muumuu has been fashionably resurrected as the "patio dress"

Why it's important to always have a good photo of yourself on hand -- just in case

How, no matter what skin you're in, to make it last a lifetime

Why you can never trust anyone over eighty-five